The fastest mouse in all of Mexico

He was fast cuz he drank tons of coffee...I think!

He makes me coffee, even if he doesn't drink coffee, he will get up, brew me a pot, pour me a cup, manages to get just the right amount of cream and sugar and hands it to me in this appropriate cup. I drink coffee daily and I manage to make it taste like ass (thank god for Starbucks and good Boyfriends)

Did I mention how much I LOVE my Christmas present? Yeeeaaah! Suck it!

Sex, Drugs and Rock N Roll

I couldn't describe Lisa Boyle's photography any better...but maybe dope. Even though we are linked by mutual friends in L.A, and we comment on each others status updates on facebook, I have yet to meet this awesome photographer (not to mention that she is drop dead gorgeous and has had a pretty impressive modeling career herself) I'm working on a master plan to make some magic happen between Lisa and I, she just doesn't know it yet!

Church and Brunch

Can't say I do much of the first thing but I'm religious about the second.

AWWW YEEEEAH!

Heeeeey, that's me on the cover of IN magazine, in a jacket 7 times my size. I'm honored that they asked me to be on the New Years cover, my first solo cover (it brings a tear to my eye) David Newkirk is the photographer and he is truly talented, I love working with him. I will be signing autographs at the Barnes & Nobles at the Gateway tomorrow between 12 and 3.

J/K

Only 23% left on the TO DO list!

Holly shit, what a day. Almost done Christmas shopping, I was able to fit my mani/pedi and have my eyebrow appointment in a bit (I take my holiday girliness very serious) My Brother's Fiance was actually my hardest gift this year, I went to 4 different places to find a beautiful white coat that she will be wearing on their wedding day, during my search, I managed to get some cute stuff at forever 21, got a pair of jeans for $14 that are already my favorite (LOVE THAT STORE) I still have a lot to do tomorrow and pack for the week I will be gone. AAAAAAH!!! I need an assistant but I guess that's what kids are for? "E.J, Mommy has a to do list for you"

Festive apple red nails with enough glitter to not look gaudy, I don't know how may times I had to tell the gal I didn't want a snowflake or a tree (this is my hand up against what could be the cutest makeup bag, I have very small fingers and have a hard time finding rings that fit,and yes, these are my natural nails, I thank my grandma for that and for a million other things)

Lovely Night

Home, wrapping presents, fire going, hot chocolate with little marshmallows and kicking it with Sam.

Baaaaah!

In true Barby fashion, I decided to start AND finish my Christmas shopping today (did I say finish? I didn't) my patients level was at 3 1/2 which leads me to notice that most children are bad bad kids, old people walk reeeeeally slow and that I can't go that long without Carbs or I will fight you at the mall. Elijah and I finally got settled and I am so exhausted and this week is going to be busy and crazy. I had to cancel my girly Christmas party I throw at my place every year cause I have so much on my plate, BUT it's Christmas so dink your eggnog and shut yur pie hole.

ELijah and I....

Mom: So, do you remember when you realized there was no Santa?
Son: Yeah, I was 9, remember?
Mom: I remember but do you remember being sad?
Son: Yeah, I was like THIS IS ALL A LIE?
Mom: If it makes you feel better ALL the kids get that lie...and then some
Son: Lame, whats next? the Easter bunny too?

I didn't have the heart to tell him!

So Rich, So Pretty.

It's a West Coast thaaang....

Gloveables

Neiman Marcus, Kohl’s and Macy’s, you can see my face there :)

Unknown Number Text

UNT: How are you? is this Barby?
Me: Who diz?
UNT: it's someone that you have not talk to or seen in a long time
Me: Dad?

This flight goes to SLC then continues on to Paris

Dear Family and Friends.

This is going to sound crazy but..well, I fell asleep in the bathroom on the airplane, So... I'm in Paris, I know, right? aaaaand, I'm kinda gonna miss Christmas, I know I know. SO sorry. Love you guys and Merry Christmas

'AU REVOIR!
Love Barby

RAPE

The last time I paid $30 for a burger, I was in Europe. I have no choice but to eat it all or have the other half for breakfast..or cry!

PUFF!

I hate to be that person, the one that points out what they have been doing, wearing or knowing before the trend started BUT I am going to go there, I have been doing, wearing and knowing about puffy sleeves and shoulder pads for years now and I have been made fun of for this, even if I have cried out the words "YOU'LL SEE". The only places I could find these kinda things were vintage stores, you couldn't find this style in department stores at the time, needless to say, I love that this is in style now, I LOVE a good jacket with defined shoulders AND I love the my new black blazer with big Micheal Jackson inspired shoulder pads, SHAMON!!

* I got my Jacket HERE

Vegas is not a vacation, it's an endurance test!

*Des, Brandy and I

AND it's not like riding a bike, you do forget how to ride it. I am still here, the girls went home today and I am staying one more night, cause I don't know how to say no to a good time, which gives me flashbacks of all the times I said yes (another blog entry) and because I had NO time last night to catch up with my other group of friends who are here. When we got on the plane and had to sit behind a gang of cheerleaders yesterday (it was a no brainier, they were all WAY too happy and peppy) Brandy pointed out that in all tragic plane accidents and bus accidents, there is always the cheerleading squad that was involved "them bitches are bad luck". We ate good food, shopped a ton, laid around and relaxed in our room, drank overly sweet pumpkin martinis, took a cab to the adult triple XXX rated shop, attended the City Center grand opening red carpet event, drank some more, danced, drank some more, had Asian noodles and went to bed, all in a days work in Las Vegas. Now if you will excuse me, I have one more night of self inflicting pain (i.e, high heels and liquor)

Sing It, Honey Child

Last night Elijah had his 7th grade choir Christmas concert extravaganza, it was awesome and Elijah is a natural (coming from 2 parents that love the stage) I had the pleasure of meeting my "baby daddy" new Girlfriend, she was delightful and very sweet. Like me, they too have a long distance relationship. I could tell she was a little nervous to meet me, she warmed up to me pretty quickly when I started cracking jokes and made sure she knew I was kwel, as you can imagine we have been raising our son in a NON relationship for almost 13 years, it wasn't always like this but we get along great, he sat next to me and his Girlfriend, and we all sat during this concert pointing out the funny kids and giggling, I consider my "baby daddy" my family and I adore his parents as well, I ended the night giving Elijah public kisses that he shamelessly wiped off as he looked around to see if anyone saw, and I gave the Girlfriend a big hug goodbye as well, I have been hugging people a lot tighter lately, I have noticed. It was a fun night and Elijah is loved by many (BTW, I say "baby daddy" as if I was a guest on Muary Povich)


*Whats next for Elijah you ask? Hip Hop and Break Dancing classes in January.

In The Morning....

....I will be here, doing THIS , THIS and THIS and some of THIS....HERE!!!

* I have been working SO much lately and I need these 2 days in Sin City, I will have my girls and a gang of friends, so excited!!

Love And Movies

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

And then, Chris Rock said this...

"Nobody gets a soul mate, all you gonna get in life if you lucky is a mate, Just a mate. Somebody you fuck, go to movies with. You fuck, go to another movie. You fuck, go to a comedy show. You fuck, go to your grandmomma's house. You fuck, go to your momma's house. You fuck, go see another movie. Somewhere in between fucking and movies, he goes, "Wanna get something to eat?"

In Front And Behind

IN FRONT

BEHIND

I just love the camera, In front or behind, even if I tend to jump in front of it more. As soon as the this holiday madness comes to an end, I have plans on picking up the camera again and getting real with it (I'm really excited and good things will come out of this) I will still be jumping in front from time to time, don't get it twisted!

*Picture of myself taken by Chad Zavala tonight, Picture of Jessica taken by ME.

I Heart Calvin

Coffee, Pancakes, Reruns, Magazines, Bed, Text, Self Love, Capiche?

I make horrible coffee, I always have, but I'm proud that I have always been good at that.

Those British Assholes: Part II

Mani: Seriously, plllllllease delete it!
Me: NOPE :)
Mani: Pllllllease, or i will stop talking to you!
Me: Promise?
Mani: Lol
Me: :)

YUMMY-LUSCIOUS-FLIRTY LASHES!

*The best

You should always have good eyebrows (I get mine done every month, it includes a wax, a tint and her shaping them to perfection, fill them in with an angle brush and powder) but there is only one thing that will dress up your face, and make your eyes super flirty, LASHES! I am pretty much addicted and will find any reason to slap some on, they have become a part of my ritual and accompanies my night time wardrobe. I tried the lash extension's last month, and even though you wake up looking like a pretty doll, I found them to be itchy, and they really irritated my eyes, and the process of removing them is not worth it, you lose a ton of your own and it's really depressing. I get my supply at Walgreens or if it's for something real fancy, MAC has a great selection. The lashes for day time use are really light and no one will be able to tell you have them on, Your eyes will thank you, people you lock eyes with, will thank you, and I love that you just add lip gloss and you're done. Wear them, own them and bat them lashes girlies, LASHES LASHES YUMMY-LUSCIOUS-FLIRTY LASHES!!!

Those British Assholes.

This is Mani, my rude, insulting and crass British friend, his nickname for me is fatso, he tormented my relationships in the cyber world for years, and has often been spoken about over dinners as "Your Myspace/Facebook friend I loathe" (he likes the B0-hunk, but then again everyone loves my Bo-Hunk) I might have gotten a little pleasure in watching these guys not be able to hang with Mani's humor and shit talking. Mani was my FIRST Myspace friend, the friendship began with an insult and has lasted years now. I had the pleasure of meeting Mani in London when Elijah and I went to visit, he took such good care of us, I love this British asshole. (oh and Mani, I still think you smell like fat lady sweat)

*Elijah, the well traveled child.

Ho Ho Ho and more Ho's

My LOVELY coworkers, I work with some of the most beautiful, funny, strong women I have ever had the pleasure to be acquainted and share experiences with. Our conversations in the back room are reality TV worthy (on showtime only cause it's THAT dirty at times) these are not only my peer's but friends and a support group, I am truly lucky to have a job that includes these wonderful ladies. I had the bright idea for this photoshoot and a bright one it was! SO MUCH FUN!







HAAHAAHAA, I love us!

The Holiday Travel Plan

First half HERE, second half HERE and ending with New Years HERE.. Not too shabby :)

KOOP

LOVE IT!

Happy Girl!

My all American Bo-Hunk and I, Thanksgiving weekend at Harry'Os

The Project

My bedroom, is going to go a little something like this....

Mi Casa

Elijah and I put up the tree last night, we picked it out in record time cause it was soooo cold, we got it home, I started up the Christmas music (which Elijah finds annoying, and I do too, I think it's funny to annoy him) I started a fire and WAALAA.. my house is ready for friends, family and Santa!

LOL

My Mama uses text now.

Me: we will be over around 12pm
Mum: ok, good that gives me time to shower cuz I need it JaJa!
Me: JaaJaa stinky Mama.
Mum: LOL
Me: jaajaa, you know "lol" that's funny Ma!
Mum: I thought every time you wrote it to me it meant little old lady, then I asked your Brother.
Me: LOL


*notice how we laugh in Spanish?

MINE!

My New Years jacket is home safe, and getting acquainted with all my other jackets, but I feel they are getting a bit jealous, for this is quite fancy, and is getting a lot of attention from me at the moment, I will have 2 dates on New Years night! My obsession with sequence has me fashionably happy this winter.

www.topshop.com

Utah Street Chic.

Awww Shucks! Thanks Darya

*click on the title, it's one of those fancy thing-a-ma-bob's

My Favorite Cassette Tape.

1987, Wowers..I was almost my Son's age, Wowsers. This was my JAM, the song I would play over and over on my little cassette player, dance around with my side pony, multi color jelly bracelets, and the pink wet and wild lipstick I would sneak on to lip sync to this song in the mirrior (some things never change) Lisa Lisa is my gurl, we go way back!

Feel better, Feel good, Feel wonderful!

A club night in Salt Lake is worth blogging about, you see people you don't see anymore, you all gather in the same place you saw each other a year ago AND you swore you would never attend again, you recite the same scripted bullshit lines of "how have you been?" "so good to see you" while the bad remix dance version of Jay-Z is blaring so loud, keeping you from really hearing the other persons scripted bullshit lines. You stand around, realize how old you really are in comparison to these 22 year old girls grinding on one another in skin tight dresses and opened toed shoes (in the winter cause it's sexy, duh) then before you know it, you find yourself dancing to the bad remix dance version of Jay-Z next to some Ed Hardy-true religion-gel addicted-douchery of a guy (who sadly could be a really nice person, but his fashion sense has limited him and has made me judge him) you have a couple more drinks, laugh at bad dancers on the dance floor with your friends, recite some more scripted lines and call it a night by 2am. The best part? I had fun tonight.

Feel Better, Feel Good, Feel Wonderful- Prince

Like a good little Hooker should...

The newest edition to my winter collection, of course I got them in New York, and of course I'm not going to tell you where..Neener-Neener!

.

What?

*This morning @ the work place, What?

I have bangs again, this is the face that goes along with my bangs, what? I tried to grow them out, but being at my salon today, and having my hair stylist/friend/counselor say to me "BARBY, YOU ARE A BANG GIRL" I said F' it, FINE, and the big laugh I shared with the Bo-hunk last night when he made a joke that his parents would like me better if I had bangs, he thinks (I SWEAR that had nothing to do with it *GULP*) I guess you had to be there and I'm kinda glad you weren't, no offense.
The bangs are here to stay and they are already a big hit, Hell...I'm a big hit, What?

Small Talk In All It's Glory

Wouldn't it be great if we could answer people with a kick in the crotch? I hate the question "how's it going?" How's what going? My day? Shitty, I keep getting harassed by people asking me "how's it going?" My most favorite one is "what's your story?" Ugh, this one deserves the hardest kick in the crotch with a pointed toe stiletto (as 2003 as that shoe is, I will wear it JUST to kick those people in the crotch that ask those moronic questions) I like to answer with "my shrink and I have not determined what my story is yet"

I'm not a bitch (ish) sometimes I'll ask people how's it going, just to see if they have an original answer, so far, people are unoriginal assholes who are always good, great and pretty good. Doesn't anyone tell the truth anymore? Admit that you are having a shitty day, and every other day has been shitty and everyday in the future WILL BE SHITTY. The next time you ask someone how their day is going, expect, NO, DEMAND the truth, make them admit that they're having a shitty day, and then do your best to make it worse.

Haahaaha!

I woke up and smelled his coffee...

God, he was so wrong for me, why does it takes us so long to come to that conclusion? No matter how much I tried, how many times I didn't want to give up, it would have NEVER changed the fact that this person was completely wrong for me, just because we had similar interest in fashion, art, music and hair products (which should of been the first red flag, umm..that's MY hair straightner,buddy) does not mean that the souls will match up. Man, I cried a lot and asked myself "why?" for over a year, and all I wanted was to talk, and all I got was doors slammed in my face, never again. I have learned so much lately, about communication and the things that I have to work on (cuz anyone that has dated me will tell you, I'm NO peach sometimes, I deal with things that are deep in the heart of my past that tend to bring out insecurities) what a difference talking makes, and something that could be blown up to something dramatic and unnecessary gets eliminated with a simple loving conversation..So yes, my personality does have a lot do with it and yes, I'm NO peach sometimes but dating the wrong people does not help. I have no regrets, for I have learned, and if I would have never cried over this, I wouldn't be sitting here fulfilled with the current situation in my heart. The only tears I cry lately are happy tears, the only doors slamming these days are the ones of my past and I'm no longer dating the wrong guy.

Ya dig?

It's That Time Of Year Again, Kittens!

*Elijah and Santa thought it was soooooo hilarious when I broke my candy cane, Reeeeeally funny guys!!!!

Oh, Christmas! What a joyful time, a time for 5 extra pounds, badly wrapped presents (from me) and an empty wallet when it's all said and done, that is why people never understand why I ask for cash, don't buy me gifts, give me money so I can buy my SlimFast....and things I really want. I do love the tradition passed on by my Mama, we get all bundled up and drive to the tree lot to pick out a fresh tree, that we will struggle to get off the roof of the car and will (without a doubt) drop 2 to 4 times before getting it in our living room, I love the smell of the fresh tree all month long (I got the whole shpeel from my BF about the environment when I shared our tradition, lucky for me, rumor has it the world is ending in 2012 so the least the world can do for ME is let ME have a GOD DAMN fresh tree for Christmas) Good Talk!
Oh, Christmas! What a joyful time.
LET THE FESTIVITIES BEGIN!