Thursday, August 11, 2011

Sleep Don't Come Easy..

Yup, I'm one of those. One of those many people out there... that sometimes can't sleep. Oh, how I miss the easy days of slumber. Oh yes, when the Sandman would come on a regular bases and all was well in dream land. I'm not sure when my life allowed the evil insomniac to show his mean face around here. Somewhere around adulthood and stress-ville. But I will tell you what, he is a relentless little fucker.

I thought of all the ways I could make myself become my own Sandman. Take the man by his sandy balls. Seeing how these days the Sands pays a visit as often as my Father did after the divorce.

That mean old Sands.

So, I thought a glass of warm milk. Sounds great... but I don't drink milk. Makes me (come closer)... gaaaaassy. Then I'm just awake AND loud.

So, I tried counting sheep but remember that the whole BAAAAAHHHH thing would keep me awake AND counting.

So, I tried night night juice (Vodka) but then I'm just awake AND drunk AND sometimes.. crying.

I don't want to talk about it.

So, I've even tried twiddling the bean, you know? Playing DJ. Checking for squirrels. Coaxing the genie out of the magic lamp. Doing the sweet slide. Hand tossing. Slicing pie. Strumming the banjo. Doing the two-fingered tango. Turning Japanese. Diddle whacking. Driving Miss Daisy. Honking the bobo. Making soup for one. Punching the possum. Ticklewigglejiggle. Wank-o-rama. Engaging in safe sex. You know what I'm saying? Then I can't decided what to call it, so I'm awake AND indecisive.


But it never dawned on me to watch this....

I'm Getting Very..... Very....Very...


  1. OMG! I just seriously laughed so hard.

    You are the funniest person ever. I love your blog and you, Thank you the laugh.

  2. You took the words from my mouth! So happy you're posting more!!!

  3. Hi Beautiful.
    Your so much fun,talented, charming and have
    all the really good things my mother never told me about;)
    So outta my league ;( I love you.Barby with a Y.
    I must admit i was happy to see your tweet again.
    Love your blog.Thanks for the fun.