Monday, February 13, 2012


This is just what it looks like it is. Yup, a damn mugshot. 

 I can explain...

Last week I was in Wyoming, embarking in one of my many vagabond adventures. My friend and I left the bar where we were at, not even one street away, I had a cop behind me. Confident that I had done nothing wrong, we kept driving. He pulled me over, right in front of the Denny's, where I was feet away from the Moon Over My Hammy's I was salivating over right before this cop cocked blocked my late night grubbing plans.

Cop: What are you guys up? Why were you driving so slow?
Me:  Ummm, because there's snow on the roads, sir.
Cop: Why were you swerving all over the road?
Me:   Ummm, because I have a japanese car that doesn't have front wheel drive and there's snow on the roads, sir.
Cop:  Have you had a drink tonight?
Me:   Ummm, yes. I  had a drink.

He made me get out of the car and do the "test", you know, the walk in a straight line and touch your nose and toes and do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around and that's what it's all about. Mind you, I was in my tallest heeled boots and it was blowing 20 degrees wind on me. Needless to say, I passed. I also passed when he made me blow in the device. He had nothing.

So I thought....

The kind kind and bored Officer (No disrespect but a little) informed me that my license was suspended. Which was news to me, seeing how I just paid off a huge ticket and got it reinstated again. I was shocked. Before I knew I was in the back of his car, and shackled up, on my way to jail.

What happened to writing someone a ticket, or giving them a warning, or letting my friend drive us? I obviously was unaware of this suspension, seeing how I just got it all taken care of just weeks before.

They had no mercy on me. I was cool and in good spirits, trying to make light of the situation, cracking jokes, making friends with the officers. I mean, it's not like I shanked a man or anything real gangster like that. It's all fun and games until you're in a jail cell, freezing, with no cracks to breath out of. That's when shit got real bad for me. I turned into a baby who just wanted her mommy. Not to mention that I thought that me and some of these fellas were amigos. I kept buzzing on the intercom of my 5 star cell and saying "Come on guys, I thought we were cool".  After the 4th hour, they no longer thought I was cute. After the 7th hour, I was no longer cute. I was sick and emotionally spent. 

Jail is no fun. I'm not trying to make it look like jail is no big deal, but for a suspended license? Really? Wyoming needs to step up their crime level, so that people like me, who didn't do anything all that bad won't be booked. Wyoming, get a gang or something. Jeeeez. 

My prison like tattoo has some street cred now, I suppose.
I swear this stuff only happens to me.

I'm ok with not being anyones bitch in jail anytime soon.

Don't Judge Me!

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