Spee

Today falls the 2 year anniversary of the day that Spencer left us. Spencer was my Boyfriend (the first New York Boyfriend I had in 2003) and a pretty special person to me.

Tonight I was having dinner with a friend. I was talking about how you get only so many people in your life, that when you do look back at your life, they are the ones you think about..Spencer was that to me, and still is. The time I spent with Spencer doing the back and forth thing from Salt Lake to New York, was such a fun and exciting time in my life. Spencer and I had so much fun.

When I think back at things, that back then I didn't notice or seem to grasp as something so special, I look back now and think 'damn, he really loved me'. I remember one of the many, when I bought a Gavin Degraw CD and played it every morning when we would get ready, knowing that he hated it, he let it play and never made me feel bad for loving cheesy love songs. God, there are so many memories I have of Spencer. I never forget his laugh or the sound of his voice. I never forget how he used his hands to speak, or how he would smoke cigarettes on the right corner of his couch. How he liked his coffee. His nightly rituals, his morning rituals. How he would do a pretty good impression of me, or the cheesy and not so sexy attempt of a sex tape we made (that we laughed the entire time watching). And, of course, his blue blue eyes, he had the prettiest eyes.

I sometimes forget he is gone and go to my phone to send him a message. How bitter sweet I find New York now, and probably always will.

I love you, Spencer and miss you so much!