I got home from L.A today feeling the return- to-reality-blues. I sometimes get in these moods after I embark into these great places with diversity and culture and I realize that I live in a city that I feel I have out grown years ago. My EJ keeps me here. When I made the commitment to be a mommy I gave up a lot of the things that I wanted to do. I won't move with EJ because I refuse to take him from his Daddy and his Grandparents. I won't move without him because I could never image leaving my child to fulfill my itch to live somewhere with a little more life. I couldn't live without my life (EJ).
I do on the other hand appreciate what I have. I know that someday a new chapter of my life will begin when EJ gets to be that age where he wants to live on his own and I can finally pack up and live in some little apartment, where I wake up and see the beach every morning, water my plants on my balcony and walk the little dog to my local coffee shop, just to find out that I hate that little dog because I remember that I can't have dogs because I'm highly allergic.
With my luck, I'll be that Mom that even when EJ is 18, I will still be there following him to whatever college he decides to go to, with a basket of clean laundry and a warm meal prepared for him, licking my thumb to wipe his face off and reminding him to wear his jacket when it's cold out. I believe mothers don't stop annoying your life as soon as your are 18, you know? It's a life commitment of annoying that I take very serious.
I trust that everything will and has to work out the way it's suppose to.
I trust in life.
It's been a very kind friend to me.