I got home from L.A today feeling the return- to-reality-blues. I sometimes get in these moods after I embark into these great places with diversity and culture and I realize that I live in a city that I feel I have out grown years ago. My EJ keeps me here. When I made the commitment to be a mommy I gave up a lot of the things that I wanted to do. I won't move with EJ because I refuse to take him from his Daddy and his Grandparents. I won't move without him because I could never image leaving my child to fulfill my itch to live somewhere with a little more life. I couldn't live without my life (EJ).
I do on the other hand appreciate what I have. I know that someday a new chapter of my life will begin when EJ gets to be that age where he wants to live on his own and I can finally pack up and live in some little apartment, where I wake up and see the beach every morning, water my plants on my balcony and walk the little dog to my local coffee shop, just to find out that I hate that little dog because I remember that I can't have dogs because I'm highly allergic.
With my luck, I'll be that Mom that even when EJ is 18, I will still be there following him to whatever college he decides to go to, with a basket of clean laundry and a warm meal prepared for him, licking my thumb to wipe his face off and reminding him to wear his jacket when it's cold out. I believe mothers don't stop annoying your life as soon as your are 18, you know? It's a life commitment of annoying that I take very serious.
I trust that everything will and has to work out the way it's suppose to.
I trust in life.
It's been a very kind friend to me.
Being a Mother forces you to trust your choices. Luckily, a woman's intuition is a powerful characteristic. ;) I trust it. I always say that my children saved me. They ground you. Take you down the path you normally would've not choosen but were supposed to take.
ReplyDeleteThat little beach apartment sounds revitalizing but a path made from little hands can make untouchable world for you. I love the beach and thought about moving to one too. I restrict the beach for vacations only. After awhile, I would get bored living at the beach and see through it's beauty. I can't think of anything worse. Trust that a beach aprtment would be much more effective as a weekend vacation to ground you rather than something to wake up to. It's way more effective in small doses.
Just remember that the time for you to experience those things will come soon in your life. You have been doing what any good Mommy would do. There a lot of Moms who do leave and they don't even think twice. You Ej is very lucky.
ReplyDeleteI just love everything about you. You have such life in you, beauty and you inspire me.
Thank you
J
Its a good thing SLC has you! Used to live there and as you know it needs more people like you :)
ReplyDeleteAwww! Thank guys! All anonymous but anonymously sweet so it's all good ;)
ReplyDeleteI am sooooo happy to finally be able to stop & indulge in one of my most VERY favorite blogs (YOURS) right now! I haven't had a moment to read for a bit & in playing catch up, you still have me laughing & loving your words, thoughts, experiences & MUSIC chatter! :)
ReplyDeleteNow share more of all this woo-ing you have going on (a married mama has to vicariously live through her very favorite-cool-single-mama-writer-bloggess!) & does your tweet-(ro)mance you shared a while back, have anything to do with the said woo-ing?
Mama bear, Where have you been? :)
ReplyDeleteI am being woo-ed and when the time is right i will share all of the amazing and super funny details with all of you.
It means a lot that you come to show me love. I look forward to your comments. You're always so sweet. THANK YOU!!!!