Saturday, August 7, 2010

10 Things You Never Say To A Guy

Then ME adding my 2 cents...

1.WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN? You'll see him when you see him. If he wants to see you again, he'll call. If not, next. You don't have time for anyone that doesn't have time for you.

Me- But if you're desperate, show up at his house and tell him he will see you NOW!

2.WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL? There's only one answer to this question: Because he didn't want to!!! What you're really asking is, "Why didn't you want to call me?" Who knows!! There could be a lot of reasons, but you shouldn't be sitting around wondering why. You should be out dating lots of different guys and not worrying about ONE guy. Don't be so quick to put all your eggs into one basket, because if they break, it's a big mess.

Me- You can ask him that one too when you show up at his house.

3. WHERE WERE YOU? If he wanted you to know where he was, he'd tell you. What you're really asking is, "Where you with another female that you like better than me?" Your insecurity is showing, my dear. If anything, he should be wondering where you were.

Me- Bullshit. Maybe you were worried?

4.I LOVE YOU (FIRST) - You're saying it in the hopes that he'll say it back, but what if he doesn't? You'll be devastated and probably feel foolish. Saying "I love you" is not going to speed things up if he's not ready to say it back. So just cool it, and let him be the first to say it when he's ready.

Me- Say it first, fuck it! If he doesn't say it back, call him a dick and refuse to leave his house until he says it back.

5.DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER? As long as he's not sleeping with her now, who cares? The past is gone. Don't torture yourself (and him) with these thoughts. In this case, ignorance really is bliss.

Me- This is true. You don't want him asking you those things either. He will find out what a Ho you were in college.

6. I'M PREGNANT. In 2010, with all the birth control choices available, there is no excuse for becoming pregnant, unless you want to be. You should be using something and he should use a condom, every time.

Me- I think getting pregnant is the best way to get him to ask you to marry him.

7.WHERE IS THIS GOING? Nowhere fast if that's your attitude. Guys want someone fun and easy to be with, not someone that's constantly worrying about the future. His actions or non-actions will tell you where it's going. If it's going somewhere, you'll know it. If it's not, you'll know it too.


8.WE NEED TO TALK. This is the equivalent of, "Go to the principal's office". Guys know it's not going to be a fun conversation, so they're already on the defense. If you need to discuss something, just casually bring it up when the both of you are relaxed. Don't try to talk to him when he's tired, stressed or trying to watch TV!

Me- Wake him up at 3am and demand to talk. Make him some Coco first.

9.I HATE YOU! Even if you do, it's totally uncalled for and un-lady like. If there's an issue, be mature enough to discuss it when you're calm. If he's breaking up with you, reacting with anger may make you feel better temporarily, but it's best to remain calm and act unfazed. He'll wonder why you're so cool about it and that may make him re-think his decision. Always be pleasant during a break up. Do you want to be known as the girl that goes psycho if someone breaks up with her?? I didn't think so.

Me- I think "I HATE YOU" is ok, IF it's done playfully and then you smack him around and it turns into a fun sexy thing. And, IF you really hate him then show up at his house and tell him.

10.I DON'T TRUST YOU. What you're actually saying is, "You need to step up your game, because I can see you're up to something." If he is up to something, he'll just become even sneakier. Better to think smart and act dumb-it'll be easier to get the evidence you need to confirm your suspicions.

Me- Did you just say act dumb? Jesus, yeah act dumb, dumb girl...Then show up at his house and look in the windows and catch him. Cuz if your gut is saying I don't trust him, then there is a reason why.

You ladies can thank me later.
If the cops come, you 're on your own, Sister!


  1. bahaha. i like the me comments. sometimes you know what you should be doing ....but yeah your heart says you should be doing the crazy thing instead. hahah

  2. This is as funny as it is scary. And it's really funny.

  3. ...gahd, those blue leggings are hot.