Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Books? Only With PIctures.

I spent my evening with EJ. We shared a lovely dinner, and then I dragged him to Barnes & Nobles, so I could get my hands on a copy of my Boyfriends book...I mean, Mr Payne's book...is what I meant. I was heartbroken when the friendly lady at the information desk informed me that you can only buy the book online. I would have to wait days, DAYS to have it in my lustful hands. I gave her a look, as if it was her fault that I couldn't get it. As if it was the ultimate cock block. As is she was standing in the way of me and my sweet Roman's words.  I sat there in silence for seconds. I drifted off into the self help section. Grabbed a random book off the shelf, to hide my face and my tears that I could feel building up. I then realized that I was holding the book "The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships", and I snapped out of it reeeeeal quick, and decided to get a Vanilla Chai and explore the books....

Yes, people, Snooki has a book. Apparently, she's now a New York times bestseller. This not only makes me lose faith in the American people BUT gives me hope. If the Snookster can write a book, so can I. Can I get a HALLELUJAH?!

I read the first few pages. I have already broken the first "Do Not" rule. I guess cooking for a man is a no no? All the times I have slaved over a stove to show some guy that I liked him by feeding him. According to this book I shouldn't do that. So the next time the conversations is being flirted with the idea of me cooking, I will say "You want a hot meal cooked for you? You hungry? Go to your Mommy's and ask her for her tit"- How's that for bitch?

Notice how it says "over one million copies sold!" There's a million bitches walking around? I think a high percentage is the woman, and I think the rest is men trying to one-up us by reading this book.  NAAAAH, men aren't that bright- How's that for a bitch?

There's only one position a day???
Sad face :(

We stop breathing?
The End.

How to make anyone Roman Payne fall in love with you

They spelled Naughty wrong. I bet they're kicking themselves over this mistake. 

Oooooh, Shut Up!!!!

I did end up buying one of these books tonight. 
I won't admit which one. They're all incriminating enough.

1 comment:

  1. i love 'how we die' its on my special bookshelf.
    i love reading. love... if you need some real amazing, soul quenching, mind opening, but lovely books to read, ask me.