The lover and the sabotage. Some one who loves herself so much but yet is taking such horrible care of herself (where are your vitamins and yoga?) Realizes her worth but yet manipulates her own thoughts. That's like doing a card trick to yourself. So ready for it but scares herself silly. Emotional and passionate . Yet carelessly numb. Silly and so serious. Laughs until she cries. Cries until she laughs. Full of love. Full of doubt. Full of shit. Takes one step forward and two steps back (yes, like the fucking Paula Abdul song) I don't feel old so I will still act like a spoiled child. I will kick and I scream and I want my way. Then realize that I'm not a child. Dust the gravel off my knees. Wipe the chocolate off my face. Reapply my lipstick. Talk like a lady. Walk like a lady. Be polite. Be strong like a Man. Sit up straight. Hurt you with my words like your enemy. Perfectly flawed. Desperately hopeless. Widely tamed. A neat little mess. A blessed curse. Bitter sweet and you can agree to disagree. This is me.
Me: Thanks for taking out my trash
Phil: Coming over here is like taking care of an old sick person, will you snap out of it?
Me: (Blank look)
Phil: (points at the pimple on my chin) Wow, god is really punishing you this week, huh?