Monday, October 11, 2010

Top 10 Ways To Get A Creepy Neighbor Guy To Leave You Alone...Or Not.

1. Tell him you have a boyfriend (a black one) If that only prompts him to use his manly wiles to try and steal you from your alleged guy….

2. Tell him you have a girlfriend. And no, he can't watch.

3. Since this guy never talks to you when you’re alone, always make sure you’re with company when the guy might be in striking distance. Don’t travel without grandma, a friend, another neighbor or a big dog named Killer who kind of looks like a wolf.

4. Switch up your routine so it’s harder for him to track you. Park your car in a hidden area, like the Salt Lake airport. Start leaving for work in the middle of the night.

5. Stop leaving the house altogether.

6. Set him up with a gal you know but don’t really like, so he can pursue her and you go to bed with a smile.

7. Tell him it’s against your moral code to date neighbors, coworkers and guys who play Mortal Kombat in their Mothers basement.

8. Sic the wolf dog on him. Better yet, sic grandma on him.

9. Go out with him, once. But make a giant, embarrassing scene so the entire date is ruined and he thinks you’re crazy and will not be asking you out in the future. For example- Scratch your crotch a lot. Talk about the ex boyfriend that died that you still talk to and make pottery with in the middle of the night. Fart loudly, then blame him. And last but not least, cry LOUDLY, about how he made you feel fat. The key is to be crazier then him. Crazy people hate other crazies.

10. Just have sex with him. It's always the ones you least expect that end up giving it to you good.

1 comment:

  1. haha i like how at the end it contradicts the beginning way bad . this is funny. we have an asshole neighbor. do you have a list of things to do for that ?