Friday, August 9, 2013

Dear Blog...

Hi.. Ummm....

 (Awkwardly looks away from computer screen and fiddles with her weave)

 How you've been? I think about you here and there. I often wonder what happened to our relationship. There was a time I couldn't wait to log on and tell you everything. And now, I don't even know what to say to you. Maybe I said too much. Maybe I didn't say enough. I'm not sure when it was that our relationship stopped. But just know that it isn't you. This is just my pattern. You see, it's been a hard year, and instead of coming on here to share with you all that has happened, I shut off. I sometimes posted things, and then deleted them. Or sometimes just thought about posting stuff, but felt like you no longer deserved to know how I felt. Silent was the only way I could deal with all this.

Cue The Violin.....s!
Fuck It!!
Cue The Orchestra.

All this? you ask? (Even though you didn't really ask because blogs can't talk...ish). Is there something weird about someone knowing all the things intimate in your life? Is it strange to be so open? Is it ok to share everything? It no longer felt like I positive and fun outlet. It became dark, and heavy and all that I seemed to talk about is how sad and how hard things were, and honestly, it just didn't seem like it was helping anything. It felt yucky. It felt that if I talked about anything I would be "talking shit" or putting someone on blast (which I will admit with pure honesty that I do that from time to time) BUT ONLY because people are assholes. Takes one to know one.

I don't name names and I blur out faces, but for some reason people still get upset with me. I guess I'm trying to decided or figure out, why I give a shit. Since when do I give a shit what people think, or know? isn't that what's made my blog what it is?

 Nothing but the truth.... So help me God?
AKA Bob Dylan. 

GOD loves me!

I'm not sure if my blog was a phase. It did serve a purpose at the time. It did get a lot of loving and positive feedback. And for that, I thank you all. I felt like writing is what I did to stay busy and distract from things, and feelings. By doing what felt good, which was posting things, and expressing my feelings. This blog was my spot. A friend. A trust. A hairdresser. And, most importantly, ME!

When did I stop being me?

 Did it help? I think so. I think when this blog was shinning bright, so was I. I guess blogs are like any other relationship. Ups and downs. Post and no post.  I lost the fact that writing is truly soooo therapeutic. Well, that and my yellow Forever 21 weekly obsession. And if you act like you're too good for F21, you can suck a bag of dick. 

And NO, those don't come gluten free. 

*Oh yes, I remember now why I loved to blog. 
To accessories the word FFFFuck and Diiiiick at my leisure.

Kiss and makeup!

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