Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Dun Dun Dunn.

What's the purpose of dating? I ask myself. To find out if the person is a right fit for you or not, right? If they are, and everything meshes well, and it flows with the right ingredients, like personality, combining that with being on the same page, communicating, respect, trust and honesty, then it will continue forward and hopefully blossom into something great. right? But notice all of the things I listed. If one of these ingredients is missing, then it can't grow. I believe in compromising (sure, I'll try anything ones) but when is a compromise, compromising YOU?

Look, I'm the first to admit that I'm one difficult Latin and fiery person to deal with if you're dating me. But that's because I know what I want. I know what I need. I spent all of my 20's compromising in order to show the guy I cared. Just so at the end, I was only compromising myself. My needs. My wants. And most importantly, my respect (the little I have left).

This Fella came into my life a while back. A Sunday brunch landed us seeing each other every day for a good month (and some change) immediately after the Eggs Benedict. Sure, you are all thinking "A month? I have laundry that has been sitting in a basket longer then that." I get it. It's not a very long time. In defense of the "Month", you can in FACT, build a bond with someone if that month consist of sleeping so close together almost every night, that if anyone was lucky enough to witness this, they would for sure say these kids are in love. It goes back to the chemistry blindness, doesn't it? You can't deny chemistry. But it can disguise itself as something real pretty and ready to grow. Only to deal with the harsh reality that a handful of the ingredients are missing.

I can say this, this last month was tender, sweet, full of good music, laughter and a hell of a lot of hand holding (which I will miss terribly). Isn't that just good enough? Why can't that just be good enough? Why drag the feelings of rejection and hurt and disappointment? At the end of the day, the age difference and what I need and want is no longer worth compromising myself. And I no longer believe much he says. I'm only human and a hurt heart is never fun. But having a smart heart is nice for a change.

The other side of my bed quickly goes back to its familiarity and more recognizable domineer.

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