Thursday, July 22, 2010

365.242199 Days

I'm back in New York tomorrow. A weekend in the city before 3 gorgeous friends of mine, and myself, hop on a plane to Egypt Sunday. This weekend falls on the dates that I visited New York last year. The trip that I took to visit Spencer's grave sight, after a year had past with out me knowing that he was tragically killed. As soon as I heard the news, I just had to go see him. Fresh out of my break up with the Russian, emotionally fragile over those 2 things, I started packing for New York. My Girlfriend at the time, planned for us to stay with her friend, who then had as stay with his friend. (If you haven't noticed, I no longer talk about a specific friend I had, due to the fact that I decided to cut the piousness judgy people from my life)

Leading up to the days of my arrival to New York, me and this guy talked, and I let him know that I was going to be arriving hours before my piousness judgy "friend". I needed to drop off my suitcase, and catch a bus to New Jersey. He insisted that he take me. A nice gesture, but I felt like grieving the death of my ex boyfriend should be done in private. He did end up taking me when I arrived. It was emotional. It was hard. There was music I remember from that day. The smell of the flowers I laid on Spencer's grave. The sound of the birds that were flying over the trees above me. The hot and extremely uncomfortable humid air, that forced me to cut my visit with Spencer short. I shared all of these things with this guy. Who then became my next New York Boyfriend.

This relationship taught me a lot. It was a long distance relationship, and even if I wasn't new to these types of relationships, it was different, I was different. The relationship ended on New Years night. While everyone was ready to count down and kiss their lovers, we were in the Bathroom fighting and breaking up. I still get real sad about that very moment. I never want to have another shitty New years like that in my life. After the fight, I managed to get in another fight, with an ex girlfriend of his that was at this party. I pretty much choked her. I was drunk and she insulted me, and it made sense. It was a hot messy night, let me tell you.

I left New York on January 2, sad and heart broken. I didn't see the New Yorker again until just this last time that I went back. During the time we broke up, to the time we finally spoke again, it was a whole other hot mess.That break up led me to Kate, his ex girlfriend (not the one I choked out, but the cool one). We began this friendship over email. Even though we did have the New Yorker in common, we rarely talked about that whole situation in our emails. We talked about ourselves a lot, and learned a lot about each other. This is us.

This weekend, on the one year anniversary of my return to New York, I won't be arriving to see the New Yorker. I will be hanging out with Kate. How much changes in a year. So much has happened in these 12 months. I don't live in New York, but yet I seem to always have something there. The last things that brought me to New York were romances. This time around, there is non of that, just a great friendship, with Kate. This friendship has been one of the biggest learning experiences (besides being a Mommy at 19) of my life. It has taught me to let shit go. To make friendships with people I once swore off, for immature reasons, insecurities and fear. I love and appreciate this friendship very much.

As much as I love my connections with Men, because I'm aware that I am, and will most likely always be boy crazy. This year has been all about me connecting with girls. I have met some awesome gals, and my summer hasn't been too much about the boys, as much as it's been about loving my girl time. Taking a break from the relationship to relationship pattern I have been on for the last 5 years. Taking deep breaths and just enjoying being with ME again. It's been wonderful. I'm in a good, happy and peaceful place right now.


1 comment:

  1. This is my favorite one of all! Well besides te ones about me that is :) this has been your year about you! I am also glad you let go of the mega bitch! But mostly I am glad that u have stayed out of a "Serious" relationship!