Thursday, February 10, 2011

Love Digger

A phone conversation with one of my very good guy friends in LA got me thinking today. Our conversation was the usual "How are you?", "How's work?". "How's the love life?". I answered as followed- I'm well. Not as good as it used to be. My love life is dead, like James Brown. He then said to me (and I quote) "Why don't you just find some rich guy who will take care of you?" Honestly, I don't even remember what I said to get out of that question, but I've been thinking this all day #1. What happened to why don't you find some great guy who will love you? And #2. Do people really think I'm a gold digger?!?!?

I will admit that I've had lovers in the past that have spoiled me. I've traveled the world. I've spent a lot of time in New York with 2 separate Boyfriends (who obviously were flying me out). FG took me to Paris after only dating a very short while. I have more designer bags than I should admit to. Sure, I have been lucky to have had very generous men, who took great care of me. Who I have genuinely liked. And they have all been good looking successful guys, under the age of 37.

What's wrong with that?

Now, let me tell you a little story. I have also been in relationships with men who did NOT spoil me to those degrees. In fact, the only Boyfriend I have ever shared a home with yeeears ago, didn't necessarily pull his weight. Sadly, ended up being that girl that took care of a man (and his 2 kids). I made more money than him, and I was doing the spoiling. I was the one taking us on trips. All this in the name of love. I loved him. I did get sick of that life style real quick. In result, it took its toll on our relationship. He ended up moving out of the place that I still live in till this day. I realized I deserved better, and I don't think there's anything wrong with me wanting more for Ej and I. 

What's not wrong with that?

The most recent guy I briefly dated also made a comment to me one night while we were driving home after a night out. He said "People have mentioned that you will only want to date me if I take you on trips and spend money on you." That comment really irked me, seeing how I was in the car with him, and well on our way to my bed to have a good ol' rumping session. And I clearly liked HIM. I didn't care if he had $5 dollars or $5 million.

I still haven't figured out what went wrong with that.

As woman now these days, we are all super independent, but we do feel that having a guy buy us dinner  or offer to take us places is nice, right? I struggle with the awkwardness of the bill coming to the table. I offer to pitch in. If he doesn't allow me to give him money, I'm still always thankful. Honestly, I find money to be awkward. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I'm not sure I will ever be good at being casual about it. If we offer to pay the guy gets offended, and if we don't offer then we're ungrateful ,and the moment they think we "expect" it, they always throw the money thing in our face. It's a fine line between love and money plastic.

There's something wrong with that.

I couldn't ever be with a man JUST because he was loaded. Money but no passion or love? That sounds miserable to me. If I fell in love with a man who happened to have some mula, then that's just a bonus. Who wouldn't want to travel the world with a man you're passionate about and love? That sounds blissful to me.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Plus, if someone tries to set me up with a guy, my questions always go as followed.

1. Is he funny?
2. Does he like (good) music?
3. Does he have a big penis?
4. Does he have a Job?

AND in defense of my Gold Diggin' Ladies out there. You wanting a man for his money, is no different than a man wanting a woman for her looks.

Tit for Tat, Guys!
Or should we say....
 Tit for Ducats!

"Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man." - Kahlil Gibran

*In the end no amount $$$ has ever made me feel ♥ ♥ ♥ 


  1. I know you are just using me for my money....

    I am using you for your looks;)


    I know the world will be a better place when people get honest with themselves about this dynamic:)

    I have a awkward relationship with money too... but I have alot of awkward relationships?? Don't I? hahaha

  2. You know that if you weren't buying me Gucci and taking me to beach resorts every 7 months, we might be a little rocky at this point.. But the truth? You're my homie-lover-friend and money or no money, I'm down my partner.

    I was thinking about cutting my hair super short and getting a little chunkier.

    You still love me, Pookie?????

    P;S I put a Marc Jacobs watch I want really bad on hold at Nordy's, so we kinda have plans after you get off work,

  3. What happened to the old fashioned traditional guy that used to court the woman and impress not only her but her faimly??? I can say, and am proud to say, that I'm an old fashioned gal. I strongly believe that if a guy is really interested in a woman then he will try to impress her. I believe in guys paying for dinner in the beginning, opening the doors, and making the woman they are interested feel like a woman! When I'm dating someone I like manners and I like to door being opening for me, me being allowed to order my meal first and no cell phones at dinner or on the date at all!

    Now as relationships progress I dont mind picking up the bill, or throwing in for half, or treating this man, like man, but in the beginning the man should do the work!

    As for guys throwing "what they have heard you like" in your face - well forget that business! Obviously insecure about what he could offer, and even what he think he should offer you, is the probably the reason he went MIA. And in the long run you don't want to be w/ someone that you have to reassure they are good enough for you. You just want to be treated like a lady and w/ respect and if this guy can't see that money doesn't make love or happiness, then he's lacking there of.

    Ladies!! We want a MAN who we can consider a gentleman who is kind, funny, and has passion. Love what you do, even if you're job is a broke ass one, but love it. Love the people you're with and live in every moment!!! Do on to others as you would want done to you (in and out of the sack guys!) Figure it out!! We are not that complicated!!!! It's the little things. SSSIIIGGGHHHHHH

    Thanks for awesome blogging Barby!!! :)

  4. OOOH, sister. I don't think I could of put it better myself. FG really worked. He sent me flowers to work (hence FG- Flower Guy) he He took me on dates. Great dinners. Trips. HE was what I think guys should be like. Now, in the end we didn't fall in love, and that's ok. But he sure did what he was suppose to court me. And he DID make me feel very special :)

    5 stars for FG.

    I agree, I too like to take care of my Man as well. I love to cook for my man. Picking up things I see that he might like if I'm out shopping. Pick up the checks here and there too. I totally agree with that.

    As far as MIA dude, I think it was a combo of a lot of things. I do think that saying that in the car was a big turn off. Even if he did hear that, don't repeat it. That's just as bad as saying "I saw a pic of your ex and she's really pretty, and I hope you think I'm prettier"- Shoot yourself in the foot while you're at it. There's a big possibility that he just wasn't that into me (I know, I know. What? is he crazy??? Or maybe he didn't like that I was???? Haaha) It's really not my job to figure out why. The fact that I have had these guys who have done things like this for me is an indication that there will be another at some point. I'm dusting off my passport as we speak. There are more men who like me, then dudes who haven't ;)

    I love what you said at the end. SO TRUE, Why do women get the rep for being "difficult"??? It's the men lacking that put us in that category.

  5. Barby, you're beautiful, funny and smart. Why wouldn't guys want to be around you or want to take you places and hang with you. It makes total sense to me. I'm a guy and trust me, it's hard to find girls with those 3 qualities. AND YOU"RE REAL. I don't blame any guy for wanting to give you the world. Any guy who goes MIA on you is a Jackass anyway. Real men don't do shit like that. Even if it's not working out, you deal with it with class and like a gentleman.

    Keep writing. You rock!!!!!

  6. Anonymous Guy

    Thank youuuuu. I'm tickled to get a mans comment on this post. Again, this isn't so much about MIA dude. I know it's his deal. I can't make someone be something they are not. You know? But thank you for pointing out what I have been thinking, too ;)

  7. WOW - 5 Stars for FG!!! I'm impressed and if anything, I'm sure you guys are good friends now. So forget the romance, lust...sometimes a good friend, esp. one you can travel w/ are better then love (which usually ends up messing everything up anyways)

    Any girl who says they don't like to be wined and dined are liars and deserve a good quick in the ass. Because all the ones who do like it, brag about it, and we will continue to do so, until all the other d-bags out there, get that it's much appreciated:) It doesnt have to a big huge trip. Like I said, it's the small things :) Like a nice card, foot rub, a cute text. Those are all cheap!!

    And you're right - no use in over analyzing why Mr. NO FILTER wasn't into the relationship. My 94 yr old grandma who's been married a handful of time and gives credit to hot dogs and a shot of whiskey (cheap whiskey) a day, to her still being alive once told me "Honey - you can't think about why it did or didn't happen - you drive yourself CRAZYYYY!" And it's so true! So yes, brush off that passport, keep on steppin with expensive shoes and designer handbags, and flirt with the Europeans, Egyptians, who probably could teach these American Men a thing or two! :)

  8. I wrapped your watch carefully in bubble wrap and placed it on your night stand... I also free handed a picture of you with short hair and a little chunk... I think I could still love you?... But your gifts might get cheaper and we may just go to Betos alot....

    But I will still love you!

  9. Can't remember which gold digging beyottttch turned me onto this witty, outrageous, hot blog, but thank you gdb, you will always have a sweet spot in my heart for this!

  10. Cassidy. Aaaaaaamen, sister!!!!!

    I'm glad I have a team here. Hot dogs and whiskey???? Hell, yout Granny sounds like my knida lady. My grandmas was the same. A ball of fire.

    The designer duds have lost their charm the older I'm getting. I still love me a good time regardless.

    Thanks for the comment lady friend :)

    Rachelle, you know how I love tacos!!!

  11. If spending money (however much or little a guy has) is EVER an issue - RUN! Run as fast and as far away from the douchebag as you can. You call the shots of your own life and if a little bit of money to travel the world and experience life is one of a few things you would like to enjoy with the (potential) man of your dreams, then so be it. Keep on writing, Barby:)

  12. I would be happy in a shack with the man of my dreams. Don't get me wrong. I just don't see being attracted to a man that has his shit together as a bad thing. Ya know? :)

    Thanks for all the feedback, guys!

    MAMA loves you!