Sunday, July 31, 2011

Ernest Hemingway



"The writer's job is to tell the truth," Ernest Hemingway once said. When he was having difficulty writing he reminded himself of this. 

"I would stand and look out over the roofs of Paris and think, 'Do not worry. You have always written before and you will write now. All you have to do is write one true sentence."

"Forget your personal tragedy. We are all bitched from the start and you especially have to be hurt like hell before you can write seriously. But when you get the damned hurt, use it-don't cheat with it."

"I kissed her and saw that her eyes were shut. I kissed both her shut eyes. I thought she was probably a little crazy. It was all right if she was. I did not care what I was getting into. This was better than going every evening to the house for officers where the girls climbed all over you and put your cap on backwards as a sign of affection between their trips upstairs with other officers." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms.


*I needed a little Hemingway today. I sometimes forget that as much as I have things to say and write about, it's also important to listen and read the words of others. For you're only as good as the things that inspire you. The experiences you've had.  And the people who influence the inspiration and experiences. Even if I didn't have this talk with Mr. Hemingway on a park bench in Paris. I sure would of liked to knock back a bottle of Bourbon, listen to him speak, and maybe even flirt a bit with the man. Let's face it, there's something sexy about a man who is good with his words. 


Like he said, "Never mistake motion for action." That one couldn't ring clearer in my life right now. Thank you, Ernest (We are on first name bases) for your words, and the Bourbon.

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. 
That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

Picture This...

"He's an asshole. Better yet..he's an assholes asshole. If an asshole had an asshole, that would be him. Do you want me to draw you a picture?"


Aaaaand.. that's just what he did. 
This is why I love my friends.


Making it picture clear.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Memory Tapes


I've been listening to a lot of Memory Tapes over the weekend. Especially the song I have on my playlist as we speak. I love this song so much (Bicycle), especially towards the end of the song with the guitar that comes in, and takes me back to some 80's moment. A truly unique sound that I'm getting lost in.

Plus, he is hairy, and I like that!

May The Force Be With You


I've never denied that I'm a bit of a StarWars fan.


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Mark & Boy


Mark Ronson, who I have already confessed my crush to on my blog..
HERE.
 I'm a huge fan of his stuff.


Apparently, he did a song with Boy George. 
Where I have been?
 It's a great song.
Anything that Mark touches turns to gold.
A very well done collaboration, I say!


Hey Mark......CALL ME!!!

Truth...

I can't write as truthfully and as easily as I used to.  I write and I don't end up posting it. I write and post it, and I end up with this regret of what I wrote, just to end up pulling it (like what I wrote last night). I can't explain this roller coaster that has become my writing. I'm in a strange place. I'm confused. I'm irrational.  I'm emotional. I'm not sure of anything right now. So I post music because it's safe. I post funny things because it's safer.

I deleted my Twitter last night. Under the influence of anger. Only to sadly regret that as well.  *Sigh* I don't know, guys. I'm weird. And feeling a little lost right now. I'm hurt. Bare with me. For I'm only a female, basking in her ovarian driven chaos. 

When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

When Saints Go Machine


I'm digging these GUYS

Air. Food. Water. Music.
I couldn't live without these 4 things.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Californication.


Douche Bag: Bla Bla Bla...Orange County..Bla Bla Bla.... Bigger houses...

(Barby and Linz look up "acting" like they hear him)

DB: You girls should drink more...

Barby: Why? So we would pay more attention to you?

DB walks away...

Linz: Jeeez, Barb. I don't know why you weren't jumping all over THAT!

Barby: Oh, I was just being a good friend and letting YOU have him.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Hollerrrr!


How cool is this. 1-8 station in Manhattan sent me a shout-out. Thanks, guys. Shout -out right back at ya, fellas. 
Much love!!!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Spilling The Beaver

I would like to think of myself as someone who uses the word SUCK in a positive way, rather than the sucky way! I have held back writing about my real personal stuff lately, because who wants to admit that it SUCKS lately? Sucky SUCKS, folks! But i've held out on being real on here. I haven't been as open as I used to be.

Salt Lake is an interesting place to date, because there's a culture here. Either you are married right out of high school and live the life the lord wants you live.

Or ,you meet these guys who are your age but they were married right out of high school, and are now divorced in their 30's and they are partying like frat boys.

Or, you meet the guys who you THINK are at a good match, because they have never been married, they maaaay be a bit too young,  but they are funny, normal..ish. They did grow up in this interesting culture, and even if you know that there is no future, there you are, allowing them into your life, home, and heart. Just to find out that they are completely emotionally unavailable and immature.

Banging my head on the wall!!!!

Not to mention that this Utah culture has made them "Conservative" when it's convenient for them. And all of the sudden, all the great thing about how free spirited you are, and the things that initially attracted them to you, are now, a problem. Because at the end of the day, even if you're the guy drunk every weekend and partying your balls off, you're still looking for the girl who is conservative and "good"... and who wears panties. Sometimes, I HATE panties!!! Geeeeez!


Cuchi-Cuchi




Ok, are we dating these days in black and white?
 Like, "Leave it to Beaver?" 



Where are the guys who love strong women with an opinion and who are not afraid to be THEMSELVES? I guess when people have insecurities about who they are, it can be a bit difficult to date someone who is just, okay, with who they are. We ALL have our insecurities. But some of us are comfortable enough to admit them, laugh about them, and deal with them.

You never want to end up in a relationship where someone tries to cage you. There are boundaries to every relationship, for sure. But someone who loves those free spirited things about you, and who is secure with THEMSELVES, enough to know that you respect them. And they respect you enough to let you be you, and still love you for it, and vice versa... now that's hard to find.

Sometimes we leave it to Beavers. We think with our Beavers as much as men think their Woodchucks.


Guess what?

 I have a June Cleaver in me. I have a home I take care of,
I make my bed every morning and I can make a mean breakfast...
Gee Wally, that's swell.

But you better be ok with my Charo like personality.
Cuchi-Cuchi!


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Los Mexicanos


Eduardo Verástegui



Gael Garcia Bernal


Rafael Amaya


Aarón Díaz


David Zepeda


Luis Miguel
(My most favorite hombre Mexicano)

I have to admit something...I have never really been attracted to Mexican men. I don't know if it's because I moved from Mexico City to the U.S at such a young age, that I never saw them as romantic interest, but more like family? I don't know, really why I never have. I have just always been attracted to them white boys. BUT I can say after seeing these men, I have been neglecting my Mexicans. You men make me proud.

Gorgeous.
Hot blooded. 
Passionate.
Mexican men.
Aye Dios Mio!


VIVA MEXICO!

Friday, July 15, 2011

David Gray



 Dear David,

Remember when I came to your concert years ago and I cried like a fool the whole time? Yeah? Well, you did it to me again tonight. Your music kills me softy. Your music touches me. Your charming little jokes. Your british accent. Your lyrics. Thank you, for moving me. You gave me such a magical night.

Love
Barby Cry Baby Titty Mouth Garcia


Babylon



Friday night I'm going nowhere
All the lights are changing green to red
Turning over TV stations
Situations running through my head


Looking back through time
You know it's clear that I've been blind
I've been a fool


To open up my heart
To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule

Saturday I'm running wild
And all the lights are changing red to green


Moving through the crowds I'm pushing
Chemicals all rushing in my bloodstream


Only wish that you were here
You know I'm seeing it so clear
I've been afraid


To show you how I really feel
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made

If you want it
Come and get it


Crying out loud


The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt


Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Monday, July 11, 2011

Lost & Found Box




Today, as I was looking through an old box, which is something I do on days when I'm trying to find the meaning of life. I somehow always think that old boxes with pictures and letters and memories is where it's hiding. I didn't find that little sneaky meaning, but I did stumble across these old drawings I did, when I was around the age of 12.


God, I loved drawing so much. It was my therapy. My escape. Even without knowing it, there I was in a zone, with my paper and pencil. And even if I didn't have the makings of a future Vincent Van Gogh, I didn't care. It was my love.


I got real sad. I thought, 'Why did I ever stop doing something I loved so much?' Why is it that as grown-ups we stop doing things we love? Where do they go? Why do we forget about them? I guess they go hide in boxes where you run into them looking for something else. Maybe I did end up finding a little meaning today. Something forgotten. The meaning can always be disguised, you know! 


Look, I even left the last drawing half ass done. 
Aggggh, so like me!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Hooverphonic



In 1995 this band brought some magic into my awkward wanna be adult life. They're truly unique and like I said, magical. All of their albums are magical. But not cheesy, like a David Copperfield show in Vegas. All the magic, minus the doves and optical illusions and stuff. 

If you've never heard of them...
You're welcome!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

FIRE!!!!



I guess I really liked them redheads in High School, didn't I? Yup! That's me, with two different redheads. This has made me really ask myself the question, do you really have a type? Meh! Meeeh? Maybe in High School.

The young mans whos lap I'm in sitting on, was the first penis I ever touched. I didn't do anything else, but I definitely touched it. I definitely saw it. I was definitely scared. Penis was scary back then. Its like, what do I do with it? What does it do with me? Ya know? Remembering that moment when it was in my hand and looking awkward, shaking it like a hand and introducing myself isn't a guys sexual highlight, I'm sure. That shit was scary.  No worries, I've since gotten over my fear, as most kids do with clowns, or heights. I would even say that penis and I are good friends. Pals. Amigos. Penis is my kinda peeps. I give them noogies. We kick it from time to time.

But let's discuss that red dress and that pearl choker. And I thought I was so edgy with that crisscross neckline on the black dress. Fashionista, if you will! I wish we had access to the technology we have now back then. It would be fun to look back on some videos from these dates. I can hardly remember much, aside from the penis introduction.

Truth?
I still think redheads are hot!


Lisztomania



So sentimental, not sentimental no
Romantic not disgusting yet
Darling, I'm down and lonely when with the fortunate only
I've been looking for something else
Do let, do let, do let do.

Let's go slowly discouraged
Distant from other interests on your favorite weekend ending
This love's for gentlemen only that's with the fortunate only
No, I gotta be someone else
These days it comes, it comes, it comes, it comes, it comes and goes.

Lisztomania
Think less but see it grow,  like a riot, oh
I'm not easily offended
It's not hard to let it go from a mess to the masses.

Follow, misguide, stand still
Discuss, discourage
On this precious weekend ending
This love's for gentlemen only
Wealthiest gentlemen only
And now that you're lonely
Do let, do let, do let do.


Let's go slowly, discouraged,
We'll burn the pictures instead
When it's all over we can barely discuss
For one minute only
Not with the fortunate only
Thought it could have been something else
These days it comes, it comes, it comes, it comes, it comes and goes.

Monday, July 4, 2011

The Mexican


The Mexican, who is not a Mexican at all but resides there at the current moment. He came into my life a while back and we had a bit of a fun romance. We talked everyday, we always shared 3 new songs with each other every Tuesday. Not to mention our hilarious and sweet Skype dates we had before bed.



Skype would at times get stuck and his face would freeze. He would like to play like it would get frozen, and he would freeze his face, like this. I still think it's one of the funniest things ever.


I spent time in Mexico with him. He was the best host, sweet, caring, charming, cultured. He loves Mexicans, what can I say?  I can't say enough good things about him, obviously. During the holidays he came home and I invited him over for dinner. Until this day EJ thinks he is one of the coolest people on earth. Agreed.


That visit put us on another level. We talked a lot, about love, dating, life, the what ifs, the why nots, the maybes. Being realistic that long distance thing would be too hard. Even if I'm not new to these, I know how hard they are. He has remained a very good friend. I love him dearly.


I guess the reason why I'm writing about him, is that I was talking about him this morning and EJ last night asked me if he was ever come visit us again, and this morning he sent me a message that said "I had a dream last night, you were in it. You were really sad... Everything OK?- I fell off my bed (which I do often for other reasons) the fact is that he couldn't have been more dead on. We had an hour long conversation on the phone today. I'm so thankful for this Mexican. We are still very connected, for sure.

Lucky for me, he will be back in Utah in August and back in the USA (Oh, happy 4th and stuff.) He's always welcome at my house for a meal and to give EJ good music and girl pointers. And to remind me, that there are good guys out there.


He may kill me for posting this, BUT how could I not show off his talents? 
I love this!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Summer Is Here


My friend had an amazing pool party last Sunday. It consisted of all gay guys and a couple of hussies. It was one of the funnest days ever. His family owns a property 2 miles away from my house, and the moment you enter this hidden away farm/dream home, you feel like you're in a vacation spot hours away from home. I spent a lot of time over there this week, and I HAVE felt like I've been on vacation.

Me: Oh, these walnuts are yummy. I love nuts.

Gay Bartender: We ALL do here, honey!



Me: HEY, those are my shoes.

Shoe Stealer: I know. I'm sorry, but ever since you walked in this party I said to myself "I'm going to get in those bitches"



After Sunday and spending more time with my friend in this magical place this past week, bringing EJ with me Monday to swim,  I got to bond with my friends Father. He just finished his radiation, which he has had to do while battling cancer. We celebrated Thursday night over a home cooked meal prepared my "Lola" himself (Dad), served on their amazing patio, with the most delicious wine, and divine food, and the company was the best part. The night ended up being unexpectedly emotional. I feel very lucky to have shared this night with my friend, his Father and the new friends I made over this past week. We take those little things for granted, don't we? Like, not being sick.

Lola: I'm going to call you Barbara. You don't look like a Barby. You're a Barbara.

Me: Oh?


Now direct your attention on this picture. Chase is a big jokster. He threw me in the pool, unapologetic, if I may add. This perfect picture was captured. Me, pissed off that my freshly done hair got soaked. Chase, in the back ground, with that mischievous face, and wearing my hat.

Chase: Twat.

Me: Chode.